Refresh

It's already planned. Tomorrow morning I am going to wake up pull out my pretty new outfit, my beautiful new heels. The makeup is going to be applied perfectly and every hair will be in place. It's Easter morning. I will pose for a family picture, head to church after munching on a poor chocolate bunny's ears, observe the annual parade of the seasons latest fashions and finery, listen to the familiar message, then return home for a traditional meal.

Inside my heart hurts. Far too long have I gone without the spiritual refreshment that I crave. I need it, but I don't know where to begin. Life's hard knocks seem to have knocked me out of the game, and every time I try to jump back in, someone else pushes me back. I desperately need refreshed. Somewhere along the line, my relationship with The Lord came to a grinding halt. Why? I don't know. Nothing had changed.

Time has passed and things have now changed but I don't feel any closer to The Lord. The flames of revival seem to burn out no matter how gently I fan and coax them. It's frustrating. Easter arrives tomorrow and to my shame, I forgot about it being anything more than a holiday. I want to blame my Pastor for his laxidasical approach to important spiritual events or opportunities - like Christmas, Easter, missions conferences and revival. But I know that I have to take responsibility for my own spiritual life. He will give an account some day for how he shepherded his church, but I will give an account for me.

Recently I was reading about King Ahaz and his son Hezekiah. It was recreational reading. I have been struggling with devotional reading, but I never seem to struggle with educational or recreational reading. The temple was in ruins. Ahaz destroyed it and ignored its purpose. No one stood up. No one sought for change. God became a god to the people of Judah. A god to be feared and to appease, but not a god to be served and loved. How my life has become like that. My precious Savior, my God, my King, has become but a god amidst life. He who once stood in such sharp focus in front if my entire life has blurred into the background while I wander aimlessly.

What a reminder I have needed! This life isn't about knowing all there is to know about the Bible. It isn't about obeying every command and living the perfect life. It isn't about guiding people into obedience. It's about sacrificing my life to Christ. It's about living with my eyes only on Him. It's about remembering DAILY the sacrifice He made so that I could live. Maybe I lost track when instead of focusing in what I was doing for Him, instead of focusing in what He did for me.

It's a grotesque and painful picture. He literally stood in my place and offered himself to bear the cruelest punishment for my crimes. He did it willingly. He did it without complaint. He did it because He loves me. He endured the shame and the mocking, so that I could live freely. Then He died. He who was perfect and sinless, was separated from His Father, suffered death, to pay for me. What love is this?

It hurts to think about. I feel the guilt. But my soul is refreshed. Death is not the end. Against all possibility, Christ arose! He defeated death! It couldn't keep Him. To give me life, He arose. I can live because He lives! For this I find reason and purpose. That flame kindles and burns a little brighter. I can face tomorrow with the hope that through faithfulness one day soon, that sweet relationship I had with The Lord will be renewed. One day, very soon.

Be renewed.

Refresh.

- Kay