Must Be a Southern Thing

I am waiting to meet someone I barely know. I get a text saying, "On my way." Where I am from, that means, I am on my way - will be there soon.

Now Small Town, South, is one of the towns that you cannot get lost in. You could drive circles around it, and still not get lost. So when I got the text that said "On my way" I assumed it meant that the person would be there shortly.

Nope.

Wishful thinking.

Three hours later!!! I get another text, saying "Hey, sorry! Stopped off for some lunch and shopping. Be there in half an hour."

What??? You told me you were on your way! Glad I was sitting in my living room and not at Walmart or some other public location.

Please do me a favor, let the person you are meeting know that you are going to be late!

Saving on a Tight Budget

Most people in ministry understand that the ministry is not lucrative business. If they didn't know, they knew after the first paycheck. 

As a child I was blessed to attend a church that was generous... extraordinarily generous! And the deacons held to the philosophy that you take care of your pastors. They believed that money should not be something that a pastor needed to worry about. My pastors could have made substantially more money doing something else, but they were all able to afford a working vehicle, buy a house, send their kids to good schools, and help them through college. They didn't necessarily have the nicest or the newest, but all of their needs and many of their wants were met. I wasn't a pastor's kid, but this was the philosophy that I had seen as a child. When I moved out on a my own and began attending a different church (eventually joining my husband on staff), it had the same philosophy.

Blessed is the only word to describe it.

Let me just say now, I am not in ministry because of the money. But please understand that it is a necessary evil. We have to have money to survive. I am too practical and my prayer life is not that of George Muellers.

Well, my husband and I moved to Small Town, South, and I was shocked by the 60% paycut. I wasn't working at that point, so it certainly increased the shock level. Our heartbeats slowed down a little when we realized cost of living was a lot less than in Big City. And we knew that all of our absolute essentials were provided for.

We don't carry debt on any of our credit cards. We don't spend more than we make... Ever. The only debt we have is a car payment, but that is totally manageable. We made a budget and it is tight. We have to carefully plan out every meal, activity, birthday. Pennies saved are small victories and pennies lost are a tragedy. But it works. All of our bills are completely paid for each month and a few "luxury" items are paid for (like our smartphones, a huge daily blessing!)

But the question, we keep asking is "how do you save on a tight budget?" We don't spend more than we make, but depending on the bills that month, we tend to spend all that we make. Saving has become a luxury.

Here are a few things that we have found help us...


1. Budget for savings. This isn't a terribly original thought. But.. It is a lot easier to make sure that money makes it to the savings account, if you were planning on it in the first place. For my husband & I, the reality is this is at the bottom of our budget list and it really is a tiny amount. We occasionally have to skip saving to pay the electric bill, or buy a baby shower gift but because we budget for it, more often than not, we are able to save.

• We have to have cell phones. It's just the reality and the "want" is to have a smart phone. But I can't afford $150 for my husband to have a data phone plus additional cost to add me on the line. So what we have done is have a joint-plan with several friends to save costs. We obviously trust these friends greatly - to not dump us with the bill at the end of the month. Because we have done this, our plan costs less than a basic, non-data plan for one person. We don't have the latest model smartphone, but ours are still new and current. 

• To have cable or not have cable? With so many live-streaming options, skipping cable can be a great option. Actually this was a tough choice for us. We didn't have cable for several years and just had Netflix. For years that was great, but eventually you run out of options. For us, we just ran out of things we were interested or found appropriate for us. This is one of our few monthly splurges. We have the cable option one jump up from the standard channels. It took us a long time to get around to getting cable. (Not going to lie, I was pretty excited!)

• I'm so sick of 
cooking at home. I come to this conclusion about once a week. The sad fact is that it's not in the budget to eat out that often. It would cost a lovely, small fortune. So we eat out once - maybe twice - a month. The key to saving money when it comes to eating out is to set a spending limit. We almost never go to a restaurant that costs more than a total of $20 (after tip and taxes), unless it is a special occasion like Valentine's Day or an anniversary. That really limits our options, but we don't get to go out that often, so options aren't a problem. 

• Spa-like hair cuts and manicures. It is a wonderful feeling to just sit back and let someone else do your hair and or paint your nails, and someone else can always do it better than me. But it is such a money pit! I have tried getting my hair cut as infrequently as possible, and I still felt like I was spending way too much money. One of my favorite money savers has been getting my hair done at a hair school. I have a really basic hair style and don't dye it, so it's really hard to mess up. And if they do, it will get fixed by a more experienced stylist for free. The only problem I have had so far is that the students are slower than professionals. A forty-minute appointment took over an hour and a half, but the $10 price tag made it worth it.  If that isn't an option for you, look for a budget salon that you are comfortable with and get your hair done as infrequently as you can possibly handle. Men - sorry, just go get that haircut!

• Skip the movies and wait for it to come out on DVD. Use coupons to get Buy-One-Get-One-Free items (dessert at a restaurant or a free entree with the purchase of one entree). It will save you money, which you can then pass on to your savings account.

2. Always save something. To have a free savings account with our bank, it automatically withdraws a minimum amount from checking and puts it into savings. So while we may not save our full budgeted amount every month, at least we were able to save something.

3. Cut out as many luxuries as possible. The money you save should go straight to savings. 

4. Save the leftovers. If you have food leftovers at a restaurant, you might want to take it home (think "free meal"). Why not save the leftovers with your money too? If you have a couple dollars left in a budget category, put that money into your savings account. It all adds up!

5. Annual Expenses. A sneaky way that my husband and I manage to save money is through a monthly budget item that we call "Annual Expenses." They are the unplanned or one-time expenses (non-emergency) that we know about, like oil changes, dry cleaning, hair cuts, eye wear, Christmas presents. Previously we just took a hit or pulled from savings. It always hurt. So what we did is calculate approximately how much each of those items would cost over an annual period or if it should come up, then split it up into a monthly amount. Some things require putting aside $2 per month, others like car maintenance and eye wear $25. Then we added up all of the categories and moved that amount into a second checking account. Whenever we spend something in one of those categories, we just take the money from that checking account. It doesn't hurt, it doesn't hinder our savings, it's always there. It's a win-win! 

6.  Get a Cash Rewards credit card. I'm serious! This has become our 2nd savings account. I know that a lot of people in ministry don't like to use credit cards for various reasons. And I respect that, but if you use a credit card and pay it off every month, you can actually get a credit card company to pay you. Most companies don't give you much more than $0.02 on the dollar, but let me tell you - that adds up! And my credit card company gives you an additional percentage if you get a pay out sent to a checking account with their partner bank, and a larger percentage if you wait, and pay out after you have saved several hundred dollars in cash rewards. We use our credit cards as often as possible and always, always pay them off at the end of the month. (Personal story - we have made several hundred dollars and are still saving for a really, really nice vacation.) If you are concerned about what happens if the bank discontinues the program... my bank guarantees a pay-out even if the  program is discontinued or the bank closes. 

It is really hard to live paycheck to paycheck, be on a strict budget, and save money. We calculated the other day that is going to take us six and a half years from today to save the recommended six months salary and we already have money in the bank. (I almost had a heart attack!) But we will get there... eventually. :) 

You can too! It takes discipline, but you can set yourself up for success. I hope that these tips are helpful.

How do you save money?

Modesty Minimums

A few days ago, I had mentioned that we, as the pastor's wives, have to look the part and dress above the average. But we also have a responsibility to set the standard for modesty. The women in your church are going to dress according to the temperature of your personal modesty. You know it's true...

I want to suggest some "modesty minimums." I totally understand that everyone has different modesty standards. My modesty standards might be too low for you, but then again my modesty standards might be way too high for you. That's not what this is about.

Business professionals have a minimum dress code. Certain restaurants and events have a minimum dress code. It is logical that a Pastor's wife would have a minimum dress code. These are some guidelines that I stick to. As a result I have never been in a situation where I was "under-dressed" or immodest.

Please keep in mind that these are the minimums that I personally recommend. I would never think down on you if you dressed more or less than these. If you are looking for suggestions, here you go:

(The goal here is to help the men at church. Some of them quiet honestly struggle with their thought lives. I don't want them to be distracted by me - the pastor's wife, while they are at church. Where they should be able to focus entirely on God and grow so that those struggles are no longer an issue.)

1. All skirts must come to the knee. Not above the knee. Not an inch above the knee. To the knee. 
2. All shirts or dresses have sleeves. Keep the sleeveless at home, on vacation, anywhere but at church. Thank the Lord for sweaters, shawls, and blazers! (By the way, I love my sleeveless shirts on a hot sunny day.)
3. Keep the cleavage or shadows of such covered. Get a couple of tank tops in a variety of colors and a handful of safety pins. Jcpenny has some great tank tops without the built-in bra. They are easier to pin higher than those shirts with the built-ins. I like to use these under low shirts and dresses and loose shirts if I am going to be bending over in the nursery. Actually come to think of it, I almost always wear a tank top... They make me comfortable.
4. Keep the bra staps hidden. Again, safety pins can be your best friend. If you have a particular bra that likes to slide to visibility, just pin it out of the way. Men will notice and be thinking about those straps, long before any woman will notice. Let's help the guys out, ladies!
5. Sit with your legs together. You would be amazed at how many different angles people can be at, where they can see when a lady's legs are not together. Keep them together. And if you must cross, cross at your ankles. Crossing your legs, one knee over the other, minimizes circulation and can lead to vericose veins. No one wants those. And it is pretty easy to be sitting immodestly and not even know it. Your skirt could get tucked in the wrong place, and you could be showing off far more leg than you ever intended. 
6. Sky high heels really should be off limits. Not because they aren't cute, but because those heels were designed for one specific purpose - to draw the eye up the leg. I do not want any man's eyes running up my legs. Not all heels should be off limits, just those ones. An appropriate pair of heels with a "normal" non-ankle breaking height can actually help slim a lady. 
7. Keep the clothes loose. Note that I didn't say baggy. Someone said that you should wear clothes that are loose enough to be discreet, but not so loose that you can't tell you are a woman. If your clothing bunches around your chest (or your stomach) or is forced to stretch around your back, it is too tight. But if two people fit in your clothes, they are probably a little too big. (Shopping time!)

You might not agree. You don't have to and I don't really expect you to. But please think about your modesty as you get dressed for church. Think of how your clothing will affect the men in the congregation, not how the ladies will look at it. Ask your husband. He knows what gets him excited, so he surely knows what gets other men excited.

Remember you (we... this is for me too) are dressing to bring honor to the Lord. 

Confessions of a Teacher

In a former life, I was a school teacher. (Like a couple of years ago...not reincarnation.) Young, new, and eager. I had the normal love/hate relationship with teaching. Anyone who knew me or worked with me would tell you that I was stretched too far, hence the "hate" part of the equation. Teaching was far more of a "love."

I was passionate about my subjects and imparting a world of knowledge to my students, who eventually became eager too. My lesson plans were rich and teeming with exciting supplemental material, and I was always on the look out for new ways to present the lessons - especially in the form of books with pictures or illustrations. Hey, high school students dig the pictures as much as the elementary students!

Then one day, I found myself in the world outside of the classroom. A boring world, totally deprived of happy students, chalkboards, and summer breaks.

It was... liberating?... to not go to school for the first time in twenty years. For the first few weeks! Then to deal with the emotion, I packed up all of my school stuff - now useless junk and put it in dark, shadowy corner of my spare room.

All was well until my husband and I decided we were settled enough to have overnight guests. Translation: time to make the spare room liveable for either us or the guests.

Translation: I have to face my school stuff again.

We were hoping to sell some of the "junk" in order to purchase a nice used bed frame. And clear out space for a bed by getting rid of some stuff. Almost all of our furniture comes from a great yard sale or old storage unit.

Well, that plan has been derailed.

I can't part with my beautiful picture books, old textbooks, and teacher-stuff.

The reality is, it might be junk. But I literally dream about teaching again.

~Kay

Looking the Part

If you are anything like me, you probably spend more than a few minutes every day and/or week trying to get ready for church. It's not just about putting on clothes and going to church. It's about looking the part.

Everyone has these crazy expectations about their pastor's wife. It ranges from how many minutes after the services you spend talking... to how you raise your children... to what you wear on a weekly basis. And, oh, the variety in that category alone!

As if you weren't putting enough pressure on yourself to at least look decent at church, the entire church family is carefully watching and scrutinizing... and commenting.

So now we deal with expectations, yet are still stuck facing the standard struggles - budget, ever changing fashions, ever changing body shape, modesty, function in the nursery or and the adult services, and on the list goes.

And somehow through that all, we still have to look the part. We have to be the pastor's wife. The identifiable leader. The example.

(sigh...)

So much pressure!

So how do we do it? How do we look the part?

Dress Above the Average.
A very common leadership dress standard is to dress a step above the average. Unfortunately it is almost always applied to men's wardrobe. If the average wears jeans and a polo, you wear khakis and a button down. If the average wears khakis and a button down, you wear dress pants and a tie or sports coat. If the average wears the sports coat or tie, you should be in both or a suit.

That gets the idea across, but we have to apply it to a woman's wardrobe.

Note: I am 100% convinced that a pastor's wife should wear a skirt to church. Not that she has to live in a skirt (I would be in trouble already), but that she should wear one at every church service. This automatically sets a standard and exhibits leadership.

If they wear casual:
Casual cues being denim, casual pants or bermuda shorts, t-shirts, sneakers or loafers, or anything that you could easily leave church and be comfortable in at a picnic, backyard barbeque, or children's event.
You should wear: a comfortable-type fabric skirt, a shirt appropriate for a casual dining restaurant, at the mall, or at a friend's house. Something that would easily be accessorized with jewelry (and look good). Flats, or sandals.

If they wear business:
Business being suits, suit separates, and office appropriate dresses.
You should wear: something that they would expect to see their boss wearing, walking into an important business meeting. Track down those pencil skirts, blazers, and heels. A word of advice: The acceptable business attire of today is very different than the acceptable style of the 90s or 80s. If you are handy with a sewing machine, you could alter those old clothes and turn them into modern styles.

If they wear dressy:
Dressy being dresses or very nice skirt & shirt combinations. Attention to accessories like jewelry and shoes.
You should wear: Dresses or very nice shirt & skirt combination. It's hard to one-up in this category, but if you make an effort every week, it will be noticed. Wear the jewelry - it doesn't have to be wild or loud. All of this can be accomplished by paying attention to details.

My personal style would be a blend of business and dressy. It's pretty much the standard in the Northeast. But the standard here in Small Town, South, is the casual end of each clothing category. It's been a learning curve for me to "dress down" so as not to make people totally uncomfortable. Some of my beautiful dresses have ended up in the back of the closet, reserved for special occasions such as weddings, dinners, special services or funerals.

You have to adjust to wear you are. If that means dressing up, dress up. If that means dressing down, do it. You are the leader and the example. Take the plunge. Dress the way that is appropriate for your church.

Look the part.

Confessions of a Northerner, Part 2

It's been an interesting life. (sigh...) Once you think you are finally used to everything that there is to be used to in the South, something new pops up. 

1. Area Codes

Ok, people, area codes are not an accessory on your phone number. They are an essential part of your phone number. Your number is incomplete without the section archaically labelled "area code." 

Here in Small Town, South, there is only one area code in a 30+ mile radius. In Big City, Northeast, there are at least five area codes in 30 mile radius. Area codes are as normal as a first name. It's a normal, natural part of the phone number. 

Do you know how many times I have entered a seven-digit phone number into my phone... only to delete it because no one mentions their area code? Every time! And, honestly, not absolutely everyone has the same area code around here. Some people, like Mr. Wonderful and I, recently moved to the area and have not yet converted to a local number. 

With cell phones these days, who needs a specific area code anyway?

2. Southern Living magazine

In the last two months, I have received six ads from Southern Living magazine, requesting me to subscribe. This one is quite simple: 

No.

I live in the South. It is absolutely nothing like the glamorized South people dream about.  The magazine portrays a south that I am certainly not living. So, no. 

3. Half-conversations

It is reasonable to have a conversation with someone and come back to it at a later time or date. That's totally normal. What's not normal is having a conversation and coming back by randomly blurting out statements that could relate to a hundred different things. 

"Purple."

"Five Dollars."

"Tuesday afternoon."

What does that mean??!?

Something to do with yesterday's conversation, if I ask several questions to figure out what the person was talking about. 

Oh boy....

I live in a constant state of confusion. :)

It's Like Living in an Episode from TLC

Have you ever watched TLC (The Learning Channel)? It's awesome!

Its so much fun to sit there and watch all of the craziness of this world.

But...

I had no idea that all of the crazy and absurd stuff was from the South. It all make sense now! I feel like I am walking through an episode of Extreme Couponers every time I go to the grocery store.

Actually its kind of like, what's wrong with me? I'm not leaving the store with hundreds of dollars with of product that I used hundreds of coupons to pay for. Must have left the super-dupper binder at home. In all seriousness - the first three weeks I was here, I never went grocery shopping without seeing less than five people with those massive binder bags and multiple carts. It was so frustrating, I started shopping late at night to avoid the crowds.

Side note: My husband and I use coupons as often as we can to save money. But I buy one newspaper a week and that is where all of my coupons come from. It really does help and the papers always pay for themselves plus some. One time I had a paper that paid for itself and cut $20 from grocery bill. That was an exciting week! Coupons normally save me $3-10 and the cost of the paper each week. So nothing crazy.

I also think I may have seen the camera men filming episodes for Toddlers & Tiaras... and Hoarders...

The Energetic Sunday School Class

So how is your Sunday School class going? If you have been blessed with your own Sunday School class... I assume all girls... You probably pray for life transformation in those girls.

But you are also probably all too well aware of the fact that there is so much information that needs to be shared in just one hour a week (on a good week). And somewhere around 40 weeks out of the year. How on earth can we share the most important things they need for spiritual growth in that short period of time?

Not to mention...

The dreams of an interactive & engaging class time, but instead endure the "glazed over" looks during the classroom lecture on a weekly basis?

Your girls have no idea what you are talking about when you ask them a question from last week's lesson?

You struggle with your girls talking while you're talking? This is the one that gets me.

I think every Sunday school teacher, if they are truly honest, have struggled with any and all of the above at one point in life. Sometimes it really does have something to do with the people in the class, and other times it has far more to do with the teacher.

Here are some things that I have incorporated into my Sunday school class hour (or less). They have made a world of difference.

1.   Plan Ahead
Ok, everyone, let's be honest... How many times did you wait until Saturday to come up with a lesson for Sunday morning? (or even Sunday morning to come up with a lesson for Sunday morning???) Well, the fact is... We've all done it. While you might have been able to pull off a great last minute college paper, a lesson that needs to have spiritual value just can't be done at the last minute. Can you truly say that what you thought about for the first time on Saturday night was what God wanted you to share with your girls on Sunday morning? I know for me, that is rarely the case.

To remedy the situation: Plan Ahead!

I mean, like more than a week ahead... Like a season at a time. If you have an eight-week or a twelve-week stretch of teaching, plan those lessons to tie together somehow. Maybe they all have the theme or message, or they are about the same Bible person. Maybe they all have the same topic of "Christianity 101" or dating, engagement, and marriage.

Whatever you do, you must plan ahead.

2.  Review & Preview
How many times did your mom tell you, Repetition is the key to learning?

Well... it's true! Repeat, repeat, repeat. Remind your class of what they learned last week, and the week before - every week. By the end of a 12 week series my girls could, with very little prompting, tell me generally what each lesson was about and some of the main points. Why? Because we reviewed.

I also previewed each lesson. Give the girls an idea of what was coming up next week, and sometimes two weeks ahead. Give them the "big picture." Maybe in a few years they won't be able to remember each of the lessons, but if they remember the "big picture," you did your job right.

By the end of the series, they should have a small hit on each lesson at least 20 times.

Repetition really is the key to learning. Go figure!

3.  Ask Questions
Normally it is the students who ask the questions, but turn the tables and ask them the questions. I always tell my kids if they want to talk during the lesson, they have to answer questions. That is their chance to talk and share their ideas or opinions.

So instead of me, sharing what I think about the Bible lesson, I started asking the girls what they thought. This took a long time to catch on (like five or six weeks). There were plenty of weeks that we just sat there, stared at each other, and waited for someone to answer my question. But by the end, they were accustomed to it and dare I say... Eager to answer.

The class became interactive. No longer did they have a "glazed over" look. They were prepared to answer a question, read a verse, or offer a comment.

Ask questions. Don't give up. Wait quietly and stare them down.

4.  Be Flexible
When you start asking questions and ideas start flowing freely, don't stress out...when THEY start asking YOU questions. And trust me, it will happen.

(Be prepared to be asked questions that you don't know the answer to. Write the question down, get the answer, and personally answer it the following week. Not only will they be thrilled to have the answer. The class will respect the fact that you remembered, and the individual who asked will feel special knowing that you specifically answered their question.)

5. Be Animated & Spontaneous
You might have the most amazing lesson in the world, but if you aren't animated, they aren't listening.  Be excited! Let them know you are excited. Have voice inflection. Use your hands and your body to teach the lesson.

Surprise the girls everyone once in a while. This will keep them interested. Sometimes I would bring a batch of cupcakes (like once very six weeks). Sometimes we would spend a large amount of time praying. To keep the class interested (in a world that is constantly vying for their attention), do things that keep them on their toes.

6.  Have Rules
My rules were always really basic:

• Be to class on time, because we are starting with or without you. My hope was that the girls would be so uncomfortable entering the room late that they would make the effort to be on time walking from the youth room to our Sunday school area. It took time, but it worked. 
• Bring your Bible. I got the girls into the habit of reading as much Scripture during class as possible. That meant that I incorporated a substantial amount of verses into the lesson (the Bible is more powerful than anything I have to say anyway). Then I had the girls read those verses. We went around the room. I picked them out at random. Some volunteered. But the girls were involved, they needed their Bible, and they were getting very familiar with God's Word. That's the goal. 

The point of your class is to bring glory to God, to teach the girls truths from the Bible, and to grow in Christ. These days that doesn't happen by lecture alone. We have to keep them involved. Our world is too interactive to teach any other way. If you have any suggestions, I would love to hear them!

~Kay

Hello World

I just want you all to know, that my name is Kay. Not just "Mr. Wonderful's wife." Not "the youth pastor's wife" or the "new girl." I don't mind being called those things, but do you know my name?

Do you know what I enjoy doing? Do you know what I think about? Do you know anything about me, other than my husband's job description?

Growing up I had a very healthy knowledge of the well-known ministry "Fish Bowl." As a staff kid, I all but lived in it. The boundaries were there and I was happy to live in them. When you have an awesome church as I did, it was no big deal to be in the fish bowl. 

When I became the youth pastor's wife at a different church in a small town in a different part of the country, suddenly it was a whole new fish bowl... and I do not like it. 

Do you ever feel like that?

That people are polite and kind on the outside, but want nothing to do with you because you are a pastor's wife? Suddenly the dynamics of every conversation change when people find out that I am a pastor's wife. 

Please understand. I love this job. I love the calling that God has placed on my husband's life and the calling that has brought me to love it as well. 

But I also want people to know that I'm human too. I want to get to know the ladies at the church. I want to be a person too. I just want someone to want to spend time with me. Maybe go shopping with me or out to lunch or chit-chat about devotions or interests. Not just comment on the fact that I better be at some ministry event, or that I am expected to do something or run/start some ministry, or be expected to pass 16 messages on to my husband.

Hello world, my name is Kay Christian, and I am a person too. 

A Computer Funny

This made me giggle...

My computer is so slow...when I click the "Send" button, a little door opens on the side of the monitor and a pigeon flies out.

(So thankful for a great computer that is working as well today as the day I bought it - almost three years ago. God was so good to allow me to purchase this computer!)

Confessions of a Northerner (in the South)

So it doesn't take a genius to figure out that the North and the South are very different. When I lived on the West Coast for a very short period of time, I never had people comment on the fact that I was from the East Coast and I never struggled to fit in there. I always thought that we all live in the United States of America, and we may have been raised differently.... but we are from the same country after all.

But I have to tell you, growing up in Big City, Northeast, and moving to Small Town, South has been a shocker to the system. It has been total culture shock!

Here are some of the wild & crazy things that I have noticed about the South. Not that they are bad; they have just been total shockers to me.

1. Fried Food 
Wow! Everything they eat down here is fried! I didn't even know it was possible. Back in the North, we try to figure out how to make all of the traditional fried foods taste amazing without being fried. And here in the South, they actually try to fry everything! It's amazing. Fried chicken, fried chicken, fried chicken. Fried appetizers - mozzarella sticks, onion rings, french fries, pickles, and okra. Fried desserts - twinkies, oreos, doughnuts, and ice cream. I've even heard of fried pizza.

Ick!! I really, really don't like fried food as a general rule. An occasional meal at Chick-fil-a. A once-a-year appetizer at the Cheesecake Factory of fried zucchini with their amazing ranch dressing. (There are a few reasons that was a once-a-year treat!) Everything else is baked. Like I even bake my own egg rolls, so I don't have to have greasy ones whenever I make a non-greasy homemade Chinese meal.

Would you guess what I have eaten a lot of since I moved to Small Town, South? Fried chicken, fried chicken, friend chicken. Do you know what people are constantly encouraging me to try? Fried pickles, fried okra, and fried oreos.

The thought of all that the grease makes me want to go take a shower and spend thirty minutes working out...

2. Food
Speaking of fried food, does everything revolve around food? I mean, I love food as much, if not more, than the next person, but why does every activity or event have gobs of food at it? Like, why can't we just fellowship for the joy of fellowshipping? Do we really need those doughnuts? The fried chicken has got to stop. I really can't take anymore of the fried chicken... It's no wonder I'm on a diet. Thank you, South!

On top of that, every single restaurant here has a buffet.

I don't like buffets.

Do you know how many people have touched at serving utensil? When exactly was it last cleaned? How many hours ago was this food prepared? 

I didn't even know that KFC had buffets, and I thought Pizza Hut did away with theirs in the 90s. Every time we happen to be out with someone, I want to ask if they mind if I order a meal instead of the buffet. (I'm making faces at the computer right now, just at the thought of the buffet.)

3. Walmart
Remember Big City, Northeast? 100,000 people live in a five mile radius with one Walmart? Yeah... Well, I think there are like 20,000 people in a 30 mile radius and I have never been to a busier Walmart in all of my life. (With the exception of Black Thursday Night & Friday) There are always tons of people there.

Some of the teenagers said it was because it was the only place to hang out, and adults said it was because it is one of three places to do grocery shopping, but seriously people... Walmart has great prices but it's not that cool!

There are always lines at the four registers that are open (and yes, they do have the standard 25 registers for absolutely no reason since they are never open!). Some items are always sold out or picked through. There are always carts totally blocking entire aisles so you have to wait until it clears out to go down the aisle. Between the crazies and the extreme couponers who block the aisles, I have decided to not go to Walmart before 9 PM. The later, the better.

4. No Chinese Takeout
Chinese takeout was not something that my husband and I did frequently, but it was a nice convenience. They seem to be always open and if you find a good one, it's usually worth getting in a pinch. One night my husband and I worked super late at Small Town Baptist Church. There was no way that I was going to make dinner that night. So we called a friend and asked if they knew of any good Chinese takeout.

They actually asked what that was.

Then I called a Chinese restaurant that we pass on the way home. They looked at us cock-eyed too. (I could here it over the phone!) We finally persuaded them that it was putting a prepared meal (versus buffet) in a box and me eating it at home, not in the restaurant.

Oh, what an experience!

5. Country Music & Cowboy Boots
I don't have much to say about either of these items other than they seem to be epidemic. Some of those boots really are cute, but I just can't picture them on my feet.

Really expensive boots from Country Outfitters

Check back sometime and I am sure that by then I will have posted some other culture shock-type items. :)

~Kay

The Risen Son

I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
~ C.S. Lewis

My Jesus, Fair

Recently I was listening to one of my new favorite songs, My Jesus, Fair by Chris Anderson. I absolutely love some of the new hymns that are being written. They maintain that timeless purity of the hymns that you find in your hymnal, but also I think have much more of a focus on Christ. My favorite songs are the ones that cause to me to think about my Lord and praise Him.

This one, My Jesus, Fair,  really struck me as I was listening to the lyrics. I always thought about the crown of thorns as a symbol of Christ's royalty and a means of pain. Never had it occurred to me to meditate on the thorns themselves - a result of the curse. They wouldn't have existed if it had not been for the curse of sin, that God at that moment was rescuing man from. What love God had! He didn't just bear my sin on the cross. He bore the whole curse so that I would have the freedom to enter Heaven and spend an eternity with him.

My Jesus, fair, was pierced by thorns,
By thorns grown from the fall.
Thus he who gave the curse was torn
To end that curse for all. 

O love divine, o matchless grace - 
That God should die for men!
With joyful grief I lift my praise,
Abhorring all my sin,
Adoring only Him. 

- Chris Anderson


**I listened to this song on my iPod via Project 10 Men Steadfast Faith, available on iTunes.

**Graphic borrowed from a Google search of "crown of thorns."

Helping My Husband

Prior to becoming a youth pastor’s wife, I was a full-time administrative assistant and a part-time school teacher, and a Sunday school teacher. My job, aside from teaching several classes, was to plan and organize and make my boss look good. I was used to having a big say in everything and it was my responsibility to see that it got done.

When we moved to Small Town, South, suddenly I found myself working a few hours a week doing odd jobs for the pastor. I was thankful for my job of course, because it meant our impossibly budget went from impossible to just tight (…and it gave me something to do). But I missed being needed and useful and having purpose.

The important thing for me to remember though is I have a new job – being a youth pastor’s wife. I am a support to my husband’s ministry, a representative of the church to the church and the community, and a wife. That’s a big job! 

Here are some ways that I can help my husband:

1. Pray for him. 

He has to preach a few times each week. He needs wisdom to deal with teenagers and their problems and parents and their problems. He has to plan and prepare for upcoming activities and events. He has to fulfill any other duties that might fall under his job description (like building maintenance, hospital visits, etc.) Plus he has to be the husband and bear the spiritual responsibility of that, perhaps a father depending on your family. Not to even mention the other things he is responsible for. And he has to do ALL of that being the happy, fun, spiritual guy that everyone expects him to be. That's a lot!

2. Encourage him.

Like we just said, your sweet husband has a lot on his plate. Sometimes his work can be difficult or discouraging. A lot of guys are high on the love language of words of affirmation, meaning you need to encourage him as often as you can. Tell him how much you enjoyed his Sunday School lesson, or what you learned from his sermon, or how excited a teenager was to spend time with him, or the great things that the parents said, or just how much you love him, spending time with him, and grateful you are that he works so hard and is such a godly man. Anything that you can say that will encourage your husband is what you need to say. 

I make sure I say these words of encouragement at the same time as holding his hand or squeezing his hand, or giving him a hug, or with a hand on his shoulder. These two love languages combined (words of affirmation & physical touch) speak volumes to my husband and they are what he needs. 

3. Don't complain. 

Living in Small Town, South, and adjusting to all its insane changes have been really hard for me. Although I haven't always done the best at this, I'm going to throw it out there anyway.... Don't complain. It's only going to make him feel bad about the decisions that he has made about being there, and he will feel like he isn't doing enough to make you happy. It will only discourage him. 

4. Look good for him.

So it can be tempting to wake up in the morning, and pretty much look the same at the end of the day... Sloppy and messy and not in top form... And when your husband comes home, he does notice. But he will notice and appreciate it more if you fix your hair, do a little light makeup, and spray some perfume. Oh, and change out of the pajamas. I want my husband to come home at the end of the day and think that I am the most beautiful woman in the world. I also want to do what I can to help him come to that conclusion. 

5. Take an interest in the teens.

At church and youth activities, be involved with the activities. Be as interested in the people your husband works with as he is. Talk with them. Ask about their lives. Be interested the things that they are interested in. This isn't just your husband's job. Youth ministry is your job as well. 

6. Take care of your responsibilities.

On a daily basis, keep up with the things that your husband expects you to do. Keeping the house clean, making the bed, doing the laundry & ironing clothes, paying the bills, washing the dishes (my least favorite!). I don't know what your husband expects you to do, but do it! He works hard every day, possibly with difficult individuals. Don't make him work on you too! 

Do what you need to do to help your husband. Every man is different. The things that I do to help my husband might not help your husband at all. But one thing is for sure, ladies, they need our help!