Prior to becoming a youth pastor’s wife, I was a full-time
administrative assistant and a part-time school teacher, and a Sunday school
teacher. My job, aside from teaching several classes, was to plan and organize
and make my boss look good. I was used to having a big say in everything and it
was my responsibility to see that it got done.
When we moved to Small Town, South, suddenly I found myself
working a few hours a week doing odd jobs for the pastor. I was thankful for my
job of course, because it meant our impossibly budget went from impossible to
just tight (…and it gave me something to do). But I missed being needed and
useful and having purpose.
The important thing for me to remember though is I have a
new job – being a youth pastor’s wife. I am a support to my husband’s ministry,
a representative of the church to the church and the community, and a wife.
That’s a big job!
Here are some ways that I can help my husband:
1. Pray for him.
He has to preach a few times each week. He needs wisdom to deal with teenagers and their problems and parents and their problems. He has to plan and prepare for upcoming activities and events. He has to fulfill any other duties that might fall under his job description (like building maintenance, hospital visits, etc.) Plus he has to be the husband and bear the spiritual responsibility of that, perhaps a father depending on your family. Not to even mention the other things he is responsible for. And he has to do ALL of that being the happy, fun, spiritual guy that everyone expects him to be. That's a lot!
2. Encourage him.
Like we just said, your sweet husband has a lot on his plate. Sometimes his work can be difficult or discouraging. A lot of guys are high on the love language of words of affirmation, meaning you need to encourage him as often as you can. Tell him how much you enjoyed his Sunday School lesson, or what you learned from his sermon, or how excited a teenager was to spend time with him, or the great things that the parents said, or just how much you love him, spending time with him, and grateful you are that he works so hard and is such a godly man. Anything that you can say that will encourage your husband is what you need to say.
I make sure I say these words of encouragement at the same time as holding his hand or squeezing his hand, or giving him a hug, or with a hand on his shoulder. These two love languages combined (words of affirmation & physical touch) speak volumes to my husband and they are what he needs.
3. Don't complain.
Living in Small Town, South, and adjusting to all its insane changes have been really hard for me. Although I haven't always done the best at this, I'm going to throw it out there anyway.... Don't complain. It's only going to make him feel bad about the decisions that he has made about being there, and he will feel like he isn't doing enough to make you happy. It will only discourage him.
4. Look good for him.
So it can be tempting to wake up in the morning, and pretty much look the same at the end of the day... Sloppy and messy and not in top form... And when your husband comes home, he does notice. But he will notice and appreciate it more if you fix your hair, do a little light makeup, and spray some perfume. Oh, and change out of the pajamas. I want my husband to come home at the end of the day and think that I am the most beautiful woman in the world. I also want to do what I can to help him come to that conclusion.
5. Take an interest in the teens.
At church and youth activities, be involved with the activities. Be as interested in the people your husband works with as he is. Talk with them. Ask about their lives. Be interested the things that they are interested in. This isn't just your husband's job. Youth ministry is your job as well.
6. Take care of your responsibilities.
On a daily basis, keep up with the things that your husband expects you to do. Keeping the house clean, making the bed, doing the laundry & ironing clothes, paying the bills, washing the dishes (my least favorite!). I don't know what your husband expects you to do, but do it! He works hard every day, possibly with difficult individuals. Don't make him work on you too!
Do what you need to do to help your husband. Every man is different. The things that I do to help my husband might not help your husband at all. But one thing is for sure, ladies, they need our help!
4. Look good for him.
So it can be tempting to wake up in the morning, and pretty much look the same at the end of the day... Sloppy and messy and not in top form... And when your husband comes home, he does notice. But he will notice and appreciate it more if you fix your hair, do a little light makeup, and spray some perfume. Oh, and change out of the pajamas. I want my husband to come home at the end of the day and think that I am the most beautiful woman in the world. I also want to do what I can to help him come to that conclusion.
5. Take an interest in the teens.
At church and youth activities, be involved with the activities. Be as interested in the people your husband works with as he is. Talk with them. Ask about their lives. Be interested the things that they are interested in. This isn't just your husband's job. Youth ministry is your job as well.
6. Take care of your responsibilities.
On a daily basis, keep up with the things that your husband expects you to do. Keeping the house clean, making the bed, doing the laundry & ironing clothes, paying the bills, washing the dishes (my least favorite!). I don't know what your husband expects you to do, but do it! He works hard every day, possibly with difficult individuals. Don't make him work on you too!
Do what you need to do to help your husband. Every man is different. The things that I do to help my husband might not help your husband at all. But one thing is for sure, ladies, they need our help!
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